Walk into the Wind

It's been hard to get this narrative about myself started. I have been thinking about my approach to the information that I want to make public. I want to tell about my memories from my first recollections, whether they are real memories or memories taken from old family photographs. I believe that each time we recall an event from the past that we change it by adding new emotions to those actual events. Sometimes memories rear their ugly heads like monsters that hide under beds or behind closed closet doors. They are the unwanted memories that bring storms of emotion to the most sunny of days. Our mission, if we are to survive and live fruitful lives is to keep our heads above those clouds.

I have escaped my life at times by making an alternate reality for myself, pretending that I have another family that embodies my needs. Each member of the family embodies a desire for something that I miss in my life or embodies a trait in myself that I hide from people. I build a wall around the real me with with alternate reality to protect myself. I pretend, hoping that no one will catch me weaving my web of fantasy or that they will know and understand the significance of that imaginary life and forgive me.

In his blog, I hope to expose the reality of my life experience from birth forward as I muddle through memories. I know that the pages will be filled with cold ugliness as well warmth and beauty. I hope that I will be able to separate my yesterdays from today so the transitions in thought will be meaningful. I also hope to purge myself of negativity and anger but not become a victim to it. I hope to forgive as I tell my stories and be forgiven for truths about myself that I hope I have he courage to reveal. My greatest hope is to help other people like me who are still trying to walk into the wind.